I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Randomize
