I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
