she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
