Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Randomize
