it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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