I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
