Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
