Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
