Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
