The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
