peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
organizing the empties. That sober.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
