i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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