I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
