If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
