My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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