Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
