Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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