Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
