hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
