What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
