is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
All the doctor said was why
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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