dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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