i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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