that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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