You're a womanizer and a bitch.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
