glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
