Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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