worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize