I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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