she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize