I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
my shit smells like andre
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize