I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
