how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
