Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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