I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
