shes about as inviting as chlamydia
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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