So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
