I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
