pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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