xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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