redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
bring money and cleavage
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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