is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Randomize