Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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