hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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