My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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