I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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