The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
