I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
