i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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