Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
