Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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