I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize
