69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
