Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
