consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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