just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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