We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
