Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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