just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
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