Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
