I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
