You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
So much rum. So many feels.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
