I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
