Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
