wrigley field is MILF paradise
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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