I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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