he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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