THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
