If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
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