i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
