turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
