Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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