I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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