I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
